....the days are dragging by in desperate anticipation for the weekend. I am suppose to work tomorrow and we are headed out of the country Friday - so today is really the last day for me to do anything.
Yet, I feel like cranking Jimmy Buffett, cracking open a beer and playing outside in the beautiful Arizona sunshine with sincere gratitude and happiness.
It's been a long time since I've had this smile...no, not just the outward one that everyone sees -- but the one INSIDE my soul...where I feel absolutely in love with my life and bursting at the heart seams. It's intensely perfect.
I'm also a realist and know it won't last.....
I woke up this morning and this utter calmness and happiness dawned on me. Like I said, it's been YEARS...and oddly enough, I wanted to call Sunshine.
uh.....?
Again, I am not missing him romantically -- but noone from my past, in this world, has ever known me as well. I am so proud of the person I am today. I really really am....and the people who have travelled this incredibly difficult road with me and still remain by my side.. should be too. And, he is. I know it. This morning, I just sort of wanted to talk to an old friend and rehash the BULLSHIT that I caused and went through and celebrate my life today...and my first thought was him.
...but he is not my friend...and certainly not available to reflect with.....
....and that's okay.
So, I journal -- and blog -- and remember a love so very pure and rejoice in a love that has been fought for and earned and is mine today. I am so happy to have had my relationship with Sunshine -- I simply wouldn't be who I am without it -- and that's not even to mention our beautiful children. Because my love for him was real, I am able to 100% love again - to learn the lessons that our love loss taught me - to fight for things, and let other things go. It's not terrible to be divorced. It's not terrible to have loved, and lost. It's TERRIBLE to stop there.
And, I haven't.
I am worth it.
Justin is worth it.
And, however odd it seems, I am thanking Sunshine today for teaching me how to love -- and how to love right.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment