Carmel Valley, California.....here I come!

Today I am leaving for Robin and Matt's wedding. It is going to be one of my ONLY trips taken without my husband and children. Flying solo. I'm so excited to see Robin. I am beyond thrilled for her and where she is in life today. It's been a long road.

Robin and I met our freshman year at U of A. In fact, to be specific, we met downstairs, in front of Coronado dorm around 3am during a fire alarm. (That was 18 years ago! Holy crap!!) She approached me because she vaguely knew my roommate (and longtime best friend, Rentch) from her sorority and knew we lived on the fourth floor -- the same floor her crush lived on. Rentch had gone home for the semester with spinal meningitis and I had the room to myself. I don't think I ever stayed alone after that night. We hit it off IMMEDIATELY. She's goofy, almost air headed, but magnetic. (And, come to find out, she's fucking brilliant -- like unbelievably smart....) It was like I had known her forever. We stayed up the rest of the night -- laughing and stalking, Mr. Crush. We've been the best of friends ever since.

She is definitely my best friend, today...that isn't related to me, that is. She has always had unwavering support and love for me and my life. She was a huge support to me through college. We lived together and played together. Most of my favorite memories include Robin. Rocky Pointe, Fiji, Hot Damn, Trudy's, Dirt Bags, long talks, cuddling, laughing, 21st birthdays (and 19th, 20th, 22nd, actually! and 30th, too - VEGAS BABY)....and probably one of my most vivid memories ever (you know the kind where you literally can FEEL the way you felt at that moment, smell it, hear it?) was when Joel and I had a HUGE UHAUL packed up with everything we owned (including towing a crashed car) and we were leaving U of A after graduation headed for Green Bay, WI....I was tearful and nervous as we headed out of town, and all the sudden BLAZING up the side of our beast was my most beautiful friend, Robin, in her brand new Infinity G20, waving and honking, blowing us kisses and visibly singing (and knowingly, I 'm sure it was terrible- it was always terrible -- and loud)... as she headed west toward California and we drove on to the midwest. I will NEVER forget it -- and have tears in my eyes typing it! She's been there through the ins and outs of my relationship with Joel as he transitioned from my honey to Mr. Sunshine. We've been together in Arizona, Northern and Southern California, Wisconsin, Vegas, Mexico, Costa Rica and I've followed her as she traveled all over the world. She was my first visitor after Dane was born (in Wisconsin, none the less) and cuddled with Cole in his first weeks of life.

"When the going gets tough, the tough gets going...." She....never....left. While I was busy being a jackass and screwing up my life, she loved me. When everyone else judged and gossiped, she called me and told me she was there. When I was desperately depressed, she called to cheer me up. When I felt the most alone, I picked up the phone and called Robin. Time goes by, but I've NEVER felt separated from her. She may not know it -- but I leaned on her consistent friendship even when I was at my lowest. And, I will NEVER forget it.

And, where I am today!? Married and happy! She was one of the first people I told when Justin and I decided to get married. She was thrilled. Just talking to her made my stomach flip and heart happy. She has a way of making me feel like I am exactly where I need to be. It's uncanny. She sent us our first wedding gift -- a beautifully engraved picture frame set....And, now...it's her wedding weekend. I am SO HONORED to be there for my friend....and just love everything I know about Matt. It's about time someone snatch this beauty up -- and I pray that their lives together be as marvelous as it has been with them single and independent, only blessed 1000x by the combination of their personalities and love. My greatest prayer is that she remains happy and strong. May they lean on each other when times are less than easy and know they have friends and family holding them up...May Jesus bless them with children...May the years be kind to them...May they grow together and remember to honor the small things...May they remember this weekend with power and love and friendship....

Watch out, California -- I'm coming to a wedding sans children and husband....to celebrate my friend in one of the hugest life moments....I can't wait to hug her, and laugh, and be silly....oh, and she's surely gonna sing. Consider this your warning. :)

Happy Thursday!

I was off of work yesterday and today. Yesterday, I woke up super early and took care of some bills and different stuff that I've been putting off. Then I proceeded to jump on the couch with my babies and watch movies then tv and take a nap. It was lazy and cuddly and definitely what I needed. Today, we are got out of the house. We went to the bank, CVS, dry cleaner, petstore, tmobile, Sams Club and then we went to the gym for some swimming. The boys were relentless on the slide while I swam laps and realized JUST how out of shape I am. Swimming use to be easy breezy for me...after 6 laps I was gasping for air and my arms were burning. What the hell happened to me!? :)

Cole also has an eye appt. at 3. This is definitely something that I've been putting off. He failed his school eye test on one eye-- and then at his football physical, again. He has been begging me to "forget about it." But, alas, my poor baby got his eyes from his father and I'm noticing him squinting more often and rubbing his eyes. Time to go in. He cried at first. However, JUST now he said, "glasses won't be THAT bad. Just don't let me get nerdy ones."

ME -- does he KNOW ME?? There isn't a nerdy bone in this out of shape body....he'll learn that...uh, in about 20 more years or so when I'm buying MY glasses....and we WILL BOTH STILL BE cool as shit. :-)

MARRIAGE CELEBRATION!!!

...28 Photos in Album

Click Here to View My Slideshow! iWebPhoto.com

So the wedding "reception" party is going to be tomorrow...

...and how do I feel about that!?

Conflicted.

I'm feeling so much anxiety about this day. Partially, it is our fault -- we've procrastinated our way to this moment. We have 75-100 people coming and really Justin and I haven't done much yet. We are having the party at my brother's and I KNOW he's been working very hard getting his house "party perfect" in his eyes (which are very critical eyes ---perfect party planner, that he is!) We are sticking with the Mexico theme since we got married there...it's going to be tacos -- beef carne asada, chicken, refried beans and tortillas - with all the fixings. But we are cooking it all....sigh. We got the meat yesterday so tonight will be spent with Justin and Jason cooking up a storm that we won't get to eat until tomorrow. Today I will run to the grocery store and Sams Club where I will surely spend ungodly amounts of money. I don't know what I'm going to wear. But that's all nada compared to the nerves I feel about our family's colliding. We are very "oil and vinegar" -- My family is comprised of many loud, sarcastic, Irish, drinking, Catholics....his family...quiet, God fearing, 100% Mormans. Neither trumps the other, in my mind, it's just going to make for an interesting blend.

Remember when you were a little kid and you had this perfect idea for a perfect painting. So you got all the supplies and started what was surely going to be your most beautiful creation. It was bright, coming along perfectly and you just absolutely loved it and how it made you feel. Then *spark* you get an idea to shade the tree to help make it stand out, so you pick up the darker colors and begin what your imagination tells you that you can do, but your talent hasn't gotten the memo. Then in one swift heap of disappointment, you hate how it looks, you hate how it makes you feel. So, you just junk a bunch of the paint on the page, mix it all together and have turned it into a clusterfuck of shit brown...in the end, you crumple it up and throw it away....

Ya, well, Justin, Dane, Cole and I are a beautiful creation coming together perfectly. I can't remember a time I've felt on such solid ground. The wedding, and more so, this party is the shaded tree idea -- if done well, will only add to the deliciousness of our marriage. If it's NOT done well...well, disappointment. :( I'm so worried about being let down. Will they get along? Will the kids swim? Will everyone eat? Will they care that people are drinking? Will they care that people aren't? Will anyone judge? Judge me? Judge our love? This isn't something we are willing to crumple up, throw away, or start over...not anymore. I just really want to love the picture.

Woah -- that was extremely vulnerable for me.... *shakes head*

(Attitude adjustment)

However, I am very excited. It will be our one month anniversary tomorrow -- and to be able to spend it with so many people who love and support us so much is exactly what we want to do. I am certain the house will be lovely -- and that people will be respectful. I love our lives. We are all across the spectrum, but we are family. I am sure the food will get done and will satisfy all. I am sure it will be filled with laughter....

I just hope I can remind myself of that when my nerves try to get the best of me. Justin, love, if you are reading this and you see my nerves start to sky rocket, please just calmly put your hand in mine and squeeze. That squeeze will tell me, "it's okay." "I love you." "Our family is intact" "This party is just a party/that comment was just a comment" "and we've got our love forever...you, me, Dane and Cole. Happy" And then maybe push me in the pool. :)

*SQUEEZE*

There is just so much ironic comedy in this.....makes me laugh out LOUD...really.

Dane lost the election -- by 3 measley votes....

He found out yesterday -- I had a bit of a heavy heart all day. Dane is just such a cool kid. He is an old soul. He always has a way of compassion -- knowing how people are feeling and reaching out to them. I will never forget my dark and lonely days...I would try very hard to put on a brave face and bright smile. I never fooled Dane. Out of the blue, he'd give me a big hug and tell me he loves me or he'd simply hold my hand. One night, I was watching TV -- feeling exceptionally vulnerable and hopeless -- and he came up, cuddled under my blanket with me, grabbed my cheeks and said, "you are the best mom in the whole world. You do such a good job." Ugh....tears

So anyway, I worried about his heart all day yesterday. They were at Sunshine's last night but I just had to see him. I went to school to intercept him :) I was talking to Jen (she's married to Sunshine now and is a teacher at the boy's school) and she was nonchalantly telling me how well he handled it. "He's totally OK with it" I think she was saying right as my almost sixth grader came and literally tackled me with a huge bearhug. I grabbed his beautiful face and said, "Hi baby, how are you?" and big tears welled up in his gorgeous dark brown deer in the headlight eyes, "did you hear?"... Jen said, "Oh maybe that's what he needs" and offered an escape into her open and empty classroom (a gracious offer, my heart thanks her). We talked a little about the loss. He WAS okay. It just made him sad. He said it helped that it was so close. He also said, "student council still needs me, so I'll just run for class representative." That's my son. Sigh. I actually congratulated him for losing. Dane has never lost before in his life, yet, he knew this was just a blip on the radar screen. I love his emotion and strength. I love his words, his intentions and his actions. I commended him for holding his head high and looking forward.

This child is amazing. He has the ability to feel the moment, yet see the lesson and the future. And, as bizarre as it sounds, I drove home after a sweet hug and kiss goodbye from both boys -- and asked Jesus to help me be more like my son. I wanna be like Dane. :)