I am very happy tonight...

I'm at my Mom's house. It's late -- late for me, now a days, anyway. It's pitch dark out there in the house but I'm waiting for the dryer to ding and playing around on the computer. In the background, I can hear snoring -- I'm pretty sure it's coming from Dane in the room next to me -- and my mother in the room across the hall. It's a battle that kind of cracks me up. Poor Cole.

I finished my work week tonight and hurried to pick up the boys. I brought them to dinner and talked about the day then we headed back to my Mom's house. The boys showered and went to bed. My Mom and I had a quick, but very needed and nice talk. There is just something about a mother's hug -- I just "get it" when my boy's hug me so -- because I still "get them" from my own Mother. What a blessing.

Tomorrow brings about a new day. We should find out if we got the house tomorrow...I'm just assuming we did. To think that, in no time at all, I will be back in the east valley makes my heart dance. I love it at my mom's but I want my own house. I want to cook dinner and have the boys have set places to do homework. I am DEAD TIRED of the drive. Every bit of my life is in the East valley -- my kid's school and sports, my love, my sister (and her family), my job, my friends and soon...my house. I can't wait.

Then Cole has his first sleep over that isn't at a family members house. He is BEYOND thrilled. In his absence, Dane is going on a date night with my Mom. He is now equally excited. Good times.

And then it's football Saturday for my Cole and his Ravens team. 2 games. Hopefully a championship win -- and then a football party where the parents are going to show where the kids got their skills in a parents vs. kids flag football game. :-) Dane doesn't play until December 4th -- so NO practice tomorrow. It's a very welcome reprieve (even if I will miss my football family! What will I do when the season ends!!?)

It's all molding together nicely...and I'm loving every step of the way.

*DING* (clothes are done)

Good Night all.

GO TITANS!

Pictures of the Dane's team right after they beat Coolidge: We are headed to state!!! (they are from my friend, Deanna's blog -- you can clearly see her son, Jax, but since Dane is in all the pix too, I stole them - with permission)

At the end of the 27-0 stomping (Dane's in the middle #22):




I LOVE Dane's smile -- barely caught, unknowingly (the best kind) on the right of the picture...


And then one of my personal favorites:

Today finds me in a place of longing yet again...this morning I awoke, tossed and turned due to the million thoughts running through my head and eventually found myself fling off the side of the bed onto my knees to begin praying. It's a familiar place for me. I pray daily -- multiple times daily -- but in desperation, I literally fall to my knees and plead my case. It's slightly pathetic -- I suppose, I know that He will listen regardless of my stature -- however, it feels REALLY real when I pray like I did when I was a little girl.

It began as the same conversation I have daily with Jesus -- then it turned into a full out tearful BEGGING session. I want this. I want this badly. Please Jesus, let this happen. Let it all work out. Show me the way. Open my heart, open my eyes, make me feel your blessings. Let everyone open their hearts. Stop the judgement. Make this work. Make this work. Make this work.

My future....my relationship...my children....the new house....money...my life.

When I crawled back into bed, I took a huge deep breath and wiped away my tears. I realized something...I don't thank Jesus enough. I feel like I'm always in need -- wanting something, praying, wishing, holding out hope that I can somehow PRAY my life into what I want it to be. The thing is, folks, my life is already planned out in God's book. And thus far, He's been right on.

It's been a very trying few years. I've cried and hurt more than I ever thought possible. It seemed that every dream I had about my life was disintegrated in front of my eyes. And, it seemed right when I was coming out of the fog, something kicked me back down. But looking back now, I see blessings everywhere. I've found an inner strength that I had NO IDEA existed. You simply don't know how strong you are until there really is no other choice. I found some really true friends. I said "goodbye" to some very toxic relationships and I learned to fight for others with a tenacity and determination that even surprised myself. I graduated from nursing school, am employed with an excellent hospital, with awesome coworkers, and I get to make a difference one patient at a time. With that, I accomplished the first real dream I ever remember having -- I wanted to be a nurse since I was a little girl. And amidst all the trials and tribulations, I am continuing to raise the most perfect boys. They are still boys -- still play and fight and get dirty and get hurt -- but they are real gentlemen. They are the very best of their father and the very best of me wrapped up in two deliciously beautiful bodies. The best part is -- they both are individually figuring out who they want to be in this world and making good choices to be the men I always hoped they would become. Wow.

So here I sit: yes. There are so many things I want (and Jesus, you heard all about them this morning) but I will now take the time to say, THANK YOU.

Thank you for my life. Thank you for making me feel your presence in my life daily. Thank you for forgiving me and showing me that I can forgive myself. Thank You for loving me enough. Thank You for making me believe that I am worth it. Thank You for giving me the tools to survive and the courage to ask for help. Thank You for my family. Thank You for my relationship. Thank You for my children. Thank You for the blessing of another chance. Thank You. Thank YOU... THANK YOU.

(phew! Now, I ask, please, can we get that house??!!)

:)

BE THE DIFFERENCE YOU WANT TO SEE

Once upon a time, there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work. One day, as he was walking along the shore, he looked down the beach and saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself at the thought of someone who would dance to the day, and so, he walked faster to catch up. As he got closer, he noticed that the figure was that of a young man, and that what he was doing was not dancing at all. The young man was reaching down to the shore, picking up small objects, and throwing them into the ocean. He came closer still and called out, "Good morning! May I ask what it is that you are doing?" The young man paused, looked up, and replied "Throwing starfish into the ocean." "I must ask, then, why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?" asked the somewhat startled wise man. To this, the young man replied, "The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don't throw them in, they'll die." Upon hearing this, the wise man commented, "But, young man, do you not realize that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish all along every mile? You can't possibly make a difference!" At this, the young man bent down, picked up yet another starfish, and threw it into the ocean. As it met the water, he said, "It made a difference for that one."

It's another night in hell
Another child won't live to tell
Can you imagine what it's like to starve to death

And as we sit free and well
Another soldier has to yell
Tell my wife and children I love them in his last breath

C'mon now amen, amen, amen

Habitual offenders, scumbag lawyers with agendas
I'll tell you sometimes people I don't know what's worse
Natural disasters or these wolves in sheep clothes pastors
Now God damn it I'm scared to send my children to church
And how can we seek salvation when our nations race relations
Got me feeling guilty of being white
But faith in human nature, our creator and our savior, I'm no saint
But I believe in what is right

C'mon now amen, amen
I said amen, amen

Stop pointing fingers and take some blame,
Pull your future away from the flame
Open up your mind and start to live
Stop short changing your neighbors
Living off hand outs and favors, and maybe
Give a little bit more than you got to give

Simplify, testify, identify, rectify
And if I get high stop being so uptight
It's only human nature and I am not a stranger
So baby won't you stay with me tonight

When a calls away
to break the sound
I'm faden down, I need someone
Oh to be someone
They just sinken down, and holden back
I hold the dawn and run
They don't save a child
Oh, to save a child

It's a matter of salvation from them patience up above,
So don't give up so damn easy on the one you love, one you love
Somewhere you got a brother, sister, friend, grandmother, niece or nephew
Just dying to be with you
You know there's someone out there who unconditionally, religiously, loves you
So just hold on 'cause you know it's true
And if you can take the pain
And you can withstand anything, and one day
Stand hand in hand with the truth

I said amen, I said amen
I said amen, I said amen,

Amen