I have to get better at blogging on a more regular basis...I know this.  You tell me that I need to write about happy things -- about things that look to the future rather than giving the past the middle finger.  That's what you said.  But, in general I don't write all the time because I think I need "something" to write about.  My life is a bit monotonous, and therefore, so is my blog.  I know this, too.  (My Mom told me that boring was good -- she has a point -- I haven't had this much NOT to say in a long time.)  If I think long and hard about it, I know that I write too much about the divorce...too much about having too little...too much on mundane things...and less about thoughts that really matter....or maybe I don't.  I don't know.  See, I'm a simple person.  I love whom I love with an unending passion.  Unending.  That's just who I am.  That is why I write about the love, friendship, my children and my bonds with others....It's also why I write about the intensity of losing any of those things.  Or, perhaps, fear of losing them.  Unending attachment.  It's the fiber that holds my heart together.  I know this and I can't be sorry for it.  But for you, my friend, I'll try to write more cause I love, love, love that people you read it.  :)

Memories of my Dad 6/20/44 - 8/16/07

Being his baby girl, (KrisTEN, cause he knew I'd be a ten, Ruth, after his mother), Nebraska, The Jet, the Kealy cabin, the lake, the river, fire, campfire songs, "I don't know I'll ask ya" "The Bumblebee song"  gas cans, learning how to drive, playing cards:  pitch, buck...jeeps, University, St. Cecelia, St. Michaels, stories of his childhood, Joe, Donna, Barb, Ruth, Dickie, the spanking machine, he was the best back tickler, relay races in the back yard, the hidden room, tornado warnings (especially the night he was really sick), Cinder, Smokey, Patty, the cemetary, Kealy Construction Company, his laughter (almost a cackle), winston cigarettes, shlitz, him cooking breakfast in the morning, doing dishes in the evening, Arizona, Exeter, Hillcrest, buying me a gigantic koala bear holding a baby koala bear (as big as me) when I got the chicken pox, knowing what my temperature was by a kiss on my forehead, Nebraska football parties, playing volleyball, heating the pool, posed pictures at Easter, Santa Claus, buying my first car...and my second...and my third...the lecture he gave me about putting a "pro choice" bumper sticker on the car that HE bought.  He was proud of being Irish, proud of being Catholic, proud of being a hard core Republican (proof that no man is perfect.)  Camelback, The Kealy Irish Scramble, "The Famous", jumping up and spinning, football, Notre Dame, ASU, the Jets, the Bears, loyalty, love, my Mom, seeing my Dad kiss my Mom, seeing them slow dance and him grab her "fanny,"  My Wild Irish Rose, 12 days of Christmas, Silent Night, The Little Drummer Boy (ba rum ba dum dum), road trips, La Jolla, the beach, sunflower seeds, his white gilligan hat, flip flops, his toenails, the park, The Marine Room, The Chart House, walks to the pier, sunsets, green flash, Del Mar, betting the horses (with his money), Mexico, Wymas, the wave that took him out bodysurfing, our own plane (that almost killed us all -- but we would have died laughing), Rocky Point, learning to drive stick shift, Jack Daniels, Kealy Development, the office, his desk, the pictures of us, jeeps, lexus SUVs, supporting my sports, volleyball, diving, and expecially basketball where he drove my mom to every game, no matter how far away it was...and got kicked out of a few games for being VERY supportive, standing up for me, wanting to beat up the boyfriend that beat me up...while in his underwear...in front of 300 people, coming with me to alcohol classes and court, the forehead to forehead come to jesus moments, taking me to get my licence, giving me odds and end jobs for extra money, crying at my high school graduation, Our Lady of Perpetual Help, being an eucharistic minister, tearing up everytime any of us kids came to receive communion, laughing when Mom did, his absolute dedication to God, being the only one that didn't laugh at me when I got confirmed as "John", dropping me off at college, loving my dream of wanting to be a nurse, making me stick it out when I wanted to come home, crying at my college graduation, Kohl's Ranch cabin, the golfcart, Tontozona, Payson, loading up the Uhaul and waving us goodbye as we drove off to Green Bay - telling me I didn't need luck cause I had "it" and would be fine, celebrating my jobs, visiting, Packer games, boat rides, giving Sunshine permission to marry me, crying with me as I got engaged, walking me down the aisle (after we had a shot of Jack), wiping out on the bubble filled dance floor (doing that damn spin move again), offering advice, showing up for our wedding celebration in Wisconsin instead of just fedexing the video...(even if he shocked me by walking in my bedroom while I was asleep naked,) loving our first owned home, his pride of walking around the Notre Dame campus showing us where he lived (now an all girls dorm and they thought he was a creeper), celebrating each pregnancy, devastated with each pregnancy loss, showing up with Mom in the nick of time for Dane's birth (even if it was a 2000 mile flight, they made it!), mowing my lawn, stocking my fridge and rocking my screaming baby when I just about lost my mind, making it possible to move home, giving Sunshine a job, working hard, IEC, KNK, being madly in love with my mom, holding her hand, finishing her sentences, Bandit, White Dog, the patios, the coolers, the pools, the freezing winter swims, his red face, his straight teeth, his balding blonde hair, football pools, making bets, his bookie, his command for respect, his tender nature, his quiet strength, his pride in being a grandfather, taking my children fishing, being at Dane's games earlier then everyone else (despite back pain), his little chair, his floppy hat and his sunflower seeds, telling me I was a great mother, freaking out when he walked in and saw me breastfeeding Cole, his ever present pacing for each of Cole's surgeries, his dream for my boys, him showing me his new real estate (the cemetary plots -- with "such a great view of the mountain), his disappointment in my divorce, his love, his advice, his tears, his blue eyes, cancer, rolling his eyes cause I got a chihuahua, wanting the nurses/doctors to wait til I was there for just about anything, telling me he loved me, my mother's love, the rosary, knowing he knew where he was headed...his last breath.

....off the cuff, anyway -- there are SO MANY MORE.... 

Today, I will be attending my son's first football game of the year -- and I'm gonna bet -- my Dad will be there too!

I love you, Dad.  Thank you for blessing my life...always.