Day 14: Children

I never had this in mind, on the day you were born,

Hugs and kisses goodbye "til we see you Christmas morn.
You both walked away with a wave and a smile
I closed the door and sighed, then I cried for awhile.

Another year, another holiday, another day of missing you

Divorce robbed us of so much and there's nothing we can do.
Every time you must go, a heaviness fills my heart
And while I know you love your Dad, I hate to be apart.

It's hard that you don't know the calmness of only one home

But comforting to know you can always pick up the phone.
It's hard that you are hustled from one place to another
But comforting to know you are always with your brother.

I'm sorry that we caused this and pray for forgiveness everyday.

And, hope you grow up to see there was just no other way.
We've all moved to happiness now, but it still is just so tough.
Our time together, divided up, never seems to be enough.

But enjoy this time, your first days of Christmas break, too!

Be polite, mind your manners - Santa's still watching you!
Your presents will be waiting, wrapped under our tree.
For us all to unwrap as one big family.

Please know I think of you always, even when you aren't here.

And always with a smile, though sometimes, through a tear.
I am honored to be a Mom and I love you tons and tons
Remember that forever my two most-beautiful sons.

Day 13: Forest

Forest, huh?

• Forest Gump (RUN FOREST RUN!)
• Forest Whitaker  (Fast Times at Ridgemont High is a movie fav!)
• "So your running through a forest"  (moving hands frantically on each side of said person's face)  "running, running, running" and SMACK (hit them in the head)  "You hit a tree."
• "You can't see the forest for the trees"  (I believe I do see the big picture in most circumstances)
• My roommate in college dated a chick who had a son named Forrest.
• Lake Forest -- a college outside of Chicago that I had a conference at when I was working for Lakeland College in Green Bay.
• Rain Forest -- the environment that Cole's Humminfint had to adapt to.

That's about all I got.  Forest.  For rest. Naptime.

Day 12: Celebration

Yesterday was "Welcome Home Wednesday...."  that is always such a celebration day anyway.  But yesterday was particularly fun because Justin and I had plans to surprise the boys with dinner and tickets to a Suns game.We aren't a huge basketball family -- but we do love spending time together.  The boys' faces were priceless.  It made for a pretty late evening, but after tucking them in and them thanking us a million times...it made waking up late for school almost worth it, today.  Whoops!

Day 11: Greed

I struggle with this.  I am not a greedy person, by nature.  I do not covet my neighbor's things.  I do not look at others and wish I had more -- or was more -- or any of that.  So why do I say I struggle with this?

My boys.

I am so greedy for them -- for their time -- and I struggle with having to split their time with Sunshine.  I know that it is unfair -- but I just really wish I didn't have to watch them leave with him - or drop them at his house.  I hate that I have to split holidays with them.  I hate that I don't tuck them in bed each night. I hate that I hear about things that happen after the fact or that they tell me that he won't let them call me.  He is greedy too, it appears, and that angers me.  I sometimes respond with anger, or worse, sarcasm and hatred.  I really do not like myself when I crack.

I try to remember he deserves time with them.  He loves them.  He doesn't like this either -- divorce robs ALL of us.  I try to remind them of that too when they are begging me to ask if they can stay longer or come earlier.  I'm even going to guess that maybe they do that for him too -- to protect our hearts in their own way (12 and 9)...

...they want each of to know how much they love us....both.

And that's certainly not greedy.

That's beautiful.

Day 10: Success

The first thing that came to my mind (well, second...after the S-U-C-C-E-S-S cheer) is this poem by Emerson:

 

It's always been one of my favorites.  It was also the poem that was chosen for the funeral of a very successful man -- one whom I greatly respect. His name was Daniel (Dave) Nusbaum -- and he is my children's paternal great-grandfather (and Cole Daniel's namesake).  Both of Sunshine's grandparents have a special place in my heart.  I loved them.  Grandpa was a real quick wit and had a very funny demeanor.  He also was smart as all get out, but more than that...he held integrity like no one I've seen before or since.  He was raised on a farm and worked hard to graduate from the University of Wisconsin (Madison) and then went on to get his master's degree.  Several business ventures and relationships later found him starting Schreiber's Cheese (while working on his doctorate -- no small feat!)  He loved to learn -- and loved to teach (and the cheese is downright delicious). He wasn't just successful professionally, either.  He was a successful patriarch to a beautiful family.   He was married for 62 years and had eight children, numerous grandchildren and great grandchildren (Dane was his first!) when he died in 2005.  His legacy continues though -- not just in the company he started (a quick google shows that today,  Schrieber's has over 4500 employees, has production facilities spread across Wisconsin, Arizona, Georgia, Missouri, Pennsylvania, Texas, and Utah, as well as in Germany, Mexico, and Brazil, and it runs four distribution centers in the United States which has grossed over 2.2 billion dollars) -- but also with the growth of his family.  Personally, my boys carry the Nusbaum name and I am grateful that Grandpa's blood courses through their veins.  That's true success.