Friday, October 19, 2012

Had a friend die on Tuesday....and it's put me in a bit of a fog...

I find myself questioning so much -- and I don't like to do that.  I am the kind of person that wants to be certain of things -- of myself, of my choices, of my relationship, of my friendships....of my purpose.  So, in times like these, it's like there are a million tiny pieces of myself floating without meaning headed toward a vast unknown....(I am picturing more of a Wonkavision scene versus a James Frey book)...and that's dangerous for me.  Times like these generally get me into trouble.  I push people away.  I drink too much.  I retreat to a lonely "I got this" solitude.  I'm not a good friend, a good mother or a good wife.  I'm trying hard to control it....attempting to hold this monster inside me down...the one that tells me to "RUN" and "SEIZE THE DAY" fearful that the sands of my hourglass are dwindling....I'm trying to stay engaged in this life...unafraid of the what ifs and more sure of the NOW.    I'm trying.

1 comment:

  1. Hang on honey. There is alot of love and light around you. xoxo.

    ReplyDelete