This is when I'm at my best. A definite writing mood...so watch out
I am so fucking satisfied with life.
This weekend was the best. It started early with the boys getting out of school early on Thursday "simply because." Cole had his big birthday night celebration with Grandma. He spent the night with her and got some real one on one time with the only other woman that holds such a huge piece of his heart. That meant that I got Dane all to myself! Justin, Dane and I spent Thursday night with Rick and Cliff. Then Friday morning (Good Friday), we went to The Stations of the Cross - and I took Dane to the Science Museum to see Body Worlds.
Dane marvels at science so this was really a special treat for us. Then we went out to ice cream. Justin picked up Cole and we met at football practice. We had a fantastic dinner. Saturday, Cole won his football game and then we all went to a movie (HOP) and came home a decorated Easter eggs. Sunday morning, we woke up early and celebrated the Easter Bunny coming before we parted...
I worked the last two days. No big deal, right? Well, I love Easter -- not only for what it represents (although how can that be surpassed -- truth be told, I never understood why Christmas trumps Easter, but that's neither here nor there) but because my family gets together, gets outside, swims, laughs and just enjoys life. I couldn't be there this year. HOWEVER (yes, in capital letters) my life was. Crazy how time has a way of allowing healing to occur. Justin took the boys to church with my family and spent the day with them all at my Mom's. I got frequent updates and pictures. It was awesome.
Also, on Sunday -- I had a patient who I have had before -- a previous stroke. On Sunday, he told me he remembered me. I remembered him as well. A proud marine still in spirit though his body was 70 years older than those strong days of youth. He was shocked into silence when I thanked him for his service. (That always amazes me -- THANK YOUR VETERANS!!) On Sunday, he told me that my spirit "transcended an earthly realm" and that he remembered my smile. Another stroke had damaged more of his brain, yet this man, took the time to bless me. When I got to work yesterday, this man was different - non responsive - a STAT CT showed another acute large infarct. In all practicality, he will not be waking up. His family made him DNR - I changed the orders - placed that purple band on his wrist and thanked him for touching my life. Today, he will be going to hospice. sigh
The circle of life.
Being faced with death makes me think. This time, I woke up thinking differently. I can't explain it. Death usually makes me think about what I need to change, what I wish I had or hadn't done in my past and what goals I want to reach in my future. Today -- it had me thinking about NOW. I don't care what happened then (or didn't) and I don't want to predict what might happen in the future. I want to love the life I have right now. I woke up to a beautiful man kissing me goodbye. A man that calls me babygirl and tells me often how much he loves me and thinks I am beautiful. A man that loves my children as if they are his own and they love equally as much. A man that works so hard - not only to help provide - but because that is what is at the core of his being. Dedicated. Hard working. Simple. I got out of bed and looked around at my beautiful (albeit very dirty) house and smiled as I turned on some Christian music. Time to wake up and embrace my life. My walls are full of pictures of life -- smiles -- my children, my family, my love. The floors are beautifully filled with the dirty clothes of those I love the most. The dishes in the sink are there because my family ate dinner together and I decided to let the dishes sit while I played with my family. My dogs' tails are wagging, the fish swimming and tortoise veering out to say good morning...I have money in my bank account, a job I treasure, vacation on the horizon...and most of all...I have me. A brain that works and a heart that loves. And for today, I don't care about anything else.
I am so thankful for the few moments that remind me to be present
I honor the proud lives that I am blessed to be surrounded by
and I will always remember - the marine.
No comments:
Post a Comment