I woke up to a text from my oldest....he can't wait to be home...and it just went on from there. I LOVE my boys...I mean...I literally sit here IN TEARS in love with them...like a kid a Christmas....
...and it's only Wednesday. July 11, 2012.
But, it's "Welcome Home Wednesday"....and I"ve missed them....like crazy.
The love I feel for them is easy to explain to another Mom.... it's our duty -- our blessing..... but, it's hard to explain to someone who isn't divorced....I have a love/hate relationship with their time with their Dad. He loves them -- as much as I do.....and I am so blessed that I had married...and had children....with one of the good ones....he LOVES his kids...is a stand up man.... and therefore, deserves time with them. It's good for the boys -- it's right for their father. I'm blessed (God, thank you for letting me see the blessing through the hurt) that he married my friend...someone I trust. (odd...I know.) Someone I KNOW is a good mom...someone I really do believe that loves my children. It makes Sunshine a better father....or actually...maybe it doesn't....but it makes me very comfortable sending my children to their home. I do appreciate her....and my kids do too....that really stands for something....but I hate that they aren't with me all the time. My baby boy got stung by a scorpion over at his dad's infested house (I hate that house - remember that was "our" house first...actually it still is in my name, but I digress)....he didn't tell me until the next day -- Cole told me he wanted to call but his Dad said no. I HATE THAT.
Any which way....it's my time now....
Dane tells me....it always is. "We're always your time, mama" he says. He tells me "I am" his parent...and he makes no deviance in that. I am his mom...I am his comfort.
I have a feeling that this kid feels me....and tells me what he thinks I need to hear...things I need to feel.
I'm sorry for that.
It's not his job to ease my heart. I LOVE that he LOVES me....but I know it. I LOVE that he WORRIES about my heart, but I wish it wasn't necessary. I LOVE that he wishes to be here... I LOVE that he calls it home... I LOVE that he tells me how much he misses me...how much he misses Justin. He says he feels "at peace" here (his words)..... I LOVE that we provide that for him.
Hurry home, Children....and prepare yourself for a whole lotta lovin'
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