RESTLESS......and I hate it....

I know, I know... I get this way. I just do. I get this way when the boys have been at Sunshine's for the weekend and I begin to miss them fiercely (plus PMS is raging). The pieces of my puzzle are just missing, ya know? Justin is at work and I'm home feeling alone. I've known this restless feeling for a 4+ years now and it hasn't gotten any better. It's especially tough right now because yesterday was the first day of school. Ugh. I saw the boys on Sunday night -- quickly wished them a fantabulous first day of school, hug, kiss, "i love yous" and sent them back into the house. Sunshine's wife sent me a picture (by request) of them in the morning.

They are deliciously handsome and very well taken care of -- but yet, it hurts that it wasn't me taking that picture. And my thoughts turn ugly. It was her. That's my house. And, I grow ashamed of my thoughts. Noone deserves that filth. Afterall, they are happy, beautiful, well adjusted, sweet, smart children who are so very much loved by so very many people.

*THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS.*

*Escape the negative.*

I'm so much better than that....

*It's easier to be kind.*

I'm struggling and antsy. I feel a huge need to be needed and wanted, which only makes me feel that I'm not. And, that, my friends, is simply ridiculous. I need to reevaluate. I need to step back and breathe. THIS IS MY LIFE. I need to ride the wave and believe that the serenity will follow. I need to listen to Justin's words and feel the security of his dedication and love. It's my time to trust in our love. It's time to grow up and realize that this soon will pass. The boys will be home tomorrow and attack me with near suffocating adoration.

*Christian music on.*

*Clean up my beautiful home.*

*Rejoice in my alone time.*

*Grow*

Attitude adjusted.