Day 1: Thinking

Some of the best life decisions I've ever made came from NOT thinking about it.  Isn't that odd?  I wouldn't have gone to U of A (but it was easy and my sister and best friend were going to be there,) I wouldn't have picked up and moved to Wisconsin (other than the decision was made by my boyfriend at the time), we wouldn't have gotten pregnant the first time, and I certainly wouldn't be with Justin.  Those are just off the top of my head.

But that said, some of the worst times of my life were a result of my not thinking.

Strange....that thinking thing.  I do think it tends to get me in trouble.  I have a tendency to get restless -- when I'm restless my mind wanders...when my mind wanders...my thoughts are scattered and unstable.  When that happens, I push people away. 

Counseling has taught me that I do that as some sort of test to see if people care enough to pull me in -- or stand their ground -- but in the very least, it's a silent (stubborn and stupid) way to beg them to just not run away.   

...how far can you push -- and how many times -- until they actually go away?

I actually know the answer to that.  And it's incredibly painful.  And I don't EVER want to have that happen again.

The good thing is that I think I am in control of my thinking.  I spin it into positive thinking (I can at least try).  There is a song by Gretchen Wilson, "When I Think About Cheating," that is just about this thing.  "When I think about cheating, I just think about you leaving.  How my world would fall to pieces, if I tossed your love away.  Even when I'm tempted by some stranger, oh there's never any danger, I just think about you leaving, when I think about cheating."  Now, don't get all carried away -- I am NOT talking about cheating perse, but just about, realistic thinking.  Yes, sometimes things seem like a great idea -- running away from restlessness is easy -- but when I think about how great I have it, I end up digging my heels in and staying right where I am.

So, today, the best things are happening in my life because I am an active participant in my thinking.  It's exciting to see what lies ahead -- how doing the right thing -- the responsible thing -- will bless my life....and that of those around me.

It's worth a shot.