Yin Yang

An ancient concept and symbol referring to complementary opposites, such as light/dark, day/night, masculine/feminine, sun/moon. Yin is seen as dark, passive and feminine. Yang is seen as light, active, and masculine.

My life is a strange dichotomy. I am sitting here on this beautifully overcast day listening to Christian music. Feeling the Spirit, I am flippin' through Facebook and I just "liked" Eminem. I fucking LOVE Slim Shady!

See what I mean?

And it isn't just that my music taste runs the gamut either....

When I was in high school, I was very active in my church. I was a peer leader in my congregation (got baptized, first communion, confession, and confirmed Catholic.) I was one of two people chosen to represent Catholic youth in Maricopa County as a Diocesan Youth Minister when the Pope came to Phoenix. It was quite an honor. But when the day was done at church, I hurried home, got dressed and went out for the night to drink, smoke pot and have sex. (not exactly written in church doctrines.) At my Confirmation, I stood there in my beautiful white dress before our Bishop and told him my newly confirmed name shall be "John."

I have always been a very social person. I have a lot of friends. I make them easily and they never disappear. At a quick glance, I have 566 friends on facebook (and with the exception of Tim McGraw and George Strait -- I consider them all "friends") Yet, I am happiest and fullest when I am all alone. I enjoy the peace and quiet. I like writing poetry and listening to music. I love to daydream. I crave silence.

Simple breakdowns off the top of my head, as well:

I am a great mother and love them more than anything in the world, but daydream about a different life that finds me as a barefoot, broke bartender in a small beachfront town.

I am ready to move on to the next phase in my life with children that are older, but my heart still longs for another baby.

I don't see the necessity in getting married ever again, but I can't wait to do it, either.

I am fiscally very republican and socially very democratic.

I find black men the most attractive on this planet, however have only fallen in love with 2 white ones.

I love my job but would give anything to stay home.

I am proud of the woman's movement but wonder if we actually made a world that's more difficult for us to succeed.

I value education believing that a college education is a must, but I would swell with pride if my son dropped out of high school and joined the military.

I look in the mirror and see a beautiful woman with a perfectly lovely body but then gasp in disbelief when I see the high number on the scale!

And it goes on and on.....

I've been thinking about this a lot as of late. I've been wondering if it means that I don't quite know who I am or who I want to be...but I have come to the conclusion that that's hogwash.

I am me.

There is no one in the world quite like me.

Yin Yang.

Simply complex.

Me.