It's been a little while -- no reason, really, just living my life

...first and foremost, certainly the most exciting, is that I passed my nursing boards. It's official, I'm a Registered Nurse. :-) It's really hard to explain in writing how very monumental this is to me. What exactly do you do when the accumulation of blood, sweat, tears and hard hard work all come to fruition? It almost feels like I'm floating - aimlessly wondering what great adventure is next to grace my life. It's very exciting and I feel very blessed. It was huge for me AND for my family -- especially my children.

Speaking of which, Dane turned 10. Absolutely crazy. I have a boy in double digits! But more so, I have a great, smart, considerate and beautiful child. TWO of them actually. School starts again toward the end of this month. I have to figure out if I want to stay in my house. I have got to come up with a plan for money (or lack there of) I have a lot of things that I need to figure out. But you know what...I will.

So, last night -- in an epic phone conversation (that I LOVED) with someone that I have spent a considerable amount of time with as of late, we started to discuss the mere thought of "changing who we are." We debated how much of it is logical and thought out vs. how much of it is just being a product of our environment and who we surround ourselves with. I had the opportunity to talk about Joel -- and Justin -- and 2007...and what it all came down to is that I am SO NOT the same person. I couldn't go back to those days, even if I wanted to (not to fix things, amend things, change things or relive things)- I simply am not the same person anymore. And, instead of feeling a sadness and loss, there is more a feeling of overwhelming peace, freedom and fortitude to press on.

The last 5 months have been very telling. I was very very down when Justin and I broke up. I think I knew the "love" was based on lies and that I could never trust him (perhaps I never did) but I deeply missed my very best friend. I still miss him greatly. Only he could do those little things that made me laugh and get me thru those tough tough times... but I cherish friends like the one I had last night who understood that...who laughed with me and who celebrated with me when it dawned on me that perhaps the loss of that relationship was probably the ultimate catalyst of really becoming who I am today -- strong -- happy -- independent -- determined. And then in the midst of the 3rd hour conversation, it dawned on me....LIGHT BULB MOMENT


Justin and I will really probably be nothing but a blip on the computer screen when it comes to my life. I don't have children with him. I don't own anything with him or owe anything to him. We broke up and he walked away -- poof! He's out of my life and on with his own. There are remnants -- I still talk to his family. We occasionally text message. I still think about him at the mere glimpse or whisper of anything military. People still ask me about him -- and of course, looming, is 10/10/10. That day was suppose to be OUR day and I'm sure it will be very tough. But after that -- I really truly don't see any sort of relationship continuing. I don't need to know about his love life and he certainly doesn't need to know about mine -- and with time passing, he will become quite simply "the one I dated right after my divorce" and nothing more. I remember my divorced friends mentioning "the one after" and thinking, "that will never be me." Well **that person** couldn't fathom meeting the person I am now, either. And, I get it, now...which makes it all easier to leap ahead with caution yet excitement into my next phase of my life.


And I'm thrilled for the ability to have bounced -- not backwards -- but to a new day!